Simon Says... Don't say "don't" to your kids!

Have you ever watched a bunch of kids play Simon Says and when Simon says "stop" almost everyone keeps doing what they were doing before? The brain didn't know how to process "Stop." It only took me three kids and eleven years (hah!) to realize I should never say "don't","stop", or "no" to my kids. It almost never works and it almost always causes a battle.

Perfect example- I'm at the grocery store a couple of weeks ago and this mother and her toddler are there. All I heard the whole way through the store was "Don't stand up in the cart!" over and over again. The kid never sat down, not once, and he was fussing the whole time. At one point, I was right next to their cart and the mom had her back turned to her son. He was, you guessed it, standing up in the cart. I looked at him as the cart shook dangerously and said "Uh oh! Mommy said sit down." He sat down immediately! He just needed a positive direction. His brain had no idea what to do with "Don't stand up" but it knew exactly what to do with "Sit down."

Even older kids can benefit from getting positive direction from their parents. If you tell your preteen, "Don't leave your coat on your floor," they will probably continue to leave their coat on the floor or start leaving it in some other inappropriate place; but, if you tell them, "Put your coat in the closet," there's a much better chance they'll do it. Really, at any age, if you give a person a direction or a choice they will always meet you with less resistance than if you just tell them to stop doing what's wrong.

By the way, my husband, who is a youth coaching expert, has a another great practical example of this approach in his latest blog post at www.coachreed.com